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How to Find Your Confidence, One Step at a Time

I knew this would be a challenging week, but after a year of setting myself up for success, everything happened as planned. I completed two successful hikes to Mt. Washington and Granite Lakes, took a two-day Wilderness First Aid class, taught an energizing in-person seminar at the Mountaineers clubhouse, and assisted clients in new ways. During Wednesday night’s speaking event, I had an epiphany. I realized I was engaging, thriving, and having fun in a way I never had before. How did I find my confidence? One step at a time.

Frozen Granite Lake around 11:15 on January 21. The sun never gets high enough to reach the lake in January, so after 30 minutes, we headed down to stay warm.
Frozen Granite Lake around 11:15 on January 21. The sun never gets high enough to reach the lake in January, so after 30 minutes, we headed down to stay warm.

If you have been following my blog, you may recall a book recommendation from a few years ago, Dan Sullivan’s The Gap and The Gain. When I think about my trajectory over the past five years, I see the pandemic as an incubation period. Depending on your lens, you can tell yourself any story and believe it. I think I had to retreat so I could blossom today.

In 2024 I set the stage, hiking solo without Ajax or mentoring my daughter and friends. I completed my coaching course and earned my Health and Wellness credential. When the time was right, I became a hike leader. I also developed new course materials to return to teaching. Anytime I encountered an obstacle, I found my way past it and kept going, just like I would in the mountains.

As three of us headed to the summit of Mt. Washington in a foot of snow (far less than most years in January), we encountered a downed tree on our path. Easy enough to clamber over. What obstacles lay in your way?
As three of us headed to the summit of Mt. Washington in a foot of snow (far less than most years in January), we encountered a downed tree on our path. Easy enough to clamber over. What obstacles lay in your way?

While I’ve taught, created courses, and led outings before, I’ve always had my husband as my backup or co-leader. Everything FEELS different now that I’m doing more on my own. I am using my skills and strengths in new, expanded, and challenging ways. Confidence is not something you’re born with. It’s something you grow into, one activity at a time.

2025 is the year I want to shine. I can teach 20 students and have fun. I can lead groups of strangers on hikes in the middle of the winter. And I can create new teaching material. Most importantly, I am enjoying the journey, not just the destination.

An enthusiastic group of Mountaineers posing at Granite Lake. Can you say confidence?
An enthusiastic group of Mountaineers posing at Granite Lake. Can you say confidence?

TAKEAWAY: How do you recognize confidence? I define it as growing into my power, recognizing flow when I’m in it, and feeling invincible when everything aligns.

Last weekend I took a two-day refresher Wilderness First Aid course, one of 29 students. The last time I took it was eleven years ago. On day one, I volunteered to lead a few of the easier, earlier scenarios so I could be a victim whenever the scenarios increased in complexity. Leading easier scenarios would also boost my confidence for later situations.

By day 2, I kept waiting for a larger group rescue like we did eleven years earlier. Instead, we participated in a “group triage” where we had 3 minutes to acquire health histories (using the acronym SAMPLE) from eight people to decide which participant would be evacuated by helicopter. After the third or fourth “victim interview,” I noticed I’d shifted naturally into my coaching rhythm of asking curious questions.

An example of different skill sets in unique environments: I do sideways training drills in the gym so side-stepping across frozen logs in microspikes is no big deal.
An example of different skill sets in unique environments: I do sideways training drills in the gym so side-stepping across frozen logs in microspikes is no big deal.

I had an epiphany. It’s the skill set I use daily, just with different questions. All our obstacles can be knocked down to size if we break them down into components, look at our strengths, and find our way past them. While this may be obvious, to me, it boosted my confidence. I don’t need to be the expert — in the mountains, as a parent, at my job. I DO, however, need to remain calm, ask good questions, and figure out which tool is best for a given situation.

TAKEAWAY: Confidence comes from repetition, preparation, showing up, and being all-in, not waiting until the day you “feel ready.” What is something you can tackle today, just by starting? There is no “there”, there is only now.

On Wednesday evening, my husband and I taught a seminar for 20 students at the Mountaineers clubhouse. As an introvert, the first few minutes of any presentation are always the most challenging for me. I describe it as feeling like a “deer in the headlights” when all eyes are on me. A minute into the talk, my mind went blank. All I wanted to do was hide. I feel similar when I pull up to a trailhead and expect a bunch of strangers.

Yet as soon as I remembered to tell the group that we prefer a collaborative give-and-take with questions and answers as we go, participants got more engaged. I felt like I was talking to individual people rather than a group of strangers. As the class progressed, I realized I was no longer surviving, but thriving. I was in flow, that precious moment when challenge and skill meet, when confidence makes time disappear. What’s more, I was having fun.

Public speaking may not be as awe-inspiring as interacting with Canada jays that visit my hand, but I'm learning there's a new thrill to imparting knowledge, whether on or off the trail.
Public speaking may not be as awe-inspiring as interacting with Canada jays that visit my hand, but I’m learning there’s a new thrill to imparting knowledge, whether on or off the trail.

TAKEAWAY: Confidence is built through engagement, not passive learning. I can sit in a first aid class but only absorb 40% of the material, or actively engage and learn 80% through triage, trial, and error. I can toss facts at an audience or ask what they want to learn to make it more valuable. Confidence isn’t just about feeling ready; it’s about leaning into whatever excites you, even when it’s intimidating. Public speaking is scary. But it’s also great fun when you’re prepared.

These elements—growth, flow, pushing past fears—made me feel unstoppable this week. As soon as we got done Wednesday evening, I felt relieved to be finished. Yet the next day, I started preparing for my next speaking opportunity in February. I also applied for another in May. Finally, I signed up to lead another hike in March.

Confidence may not be a “skill” per se, but gaining confidence is. Confidence isn’t just about knowing you can do something, it’s about believing you’re meant to do it. My spiritual advisor always suggests that we follow the energy. I’m all in.

Our happy bundled trio at the summit of Mt. Washington, January 17, 2025.
Our happy bundled trio at the summit of Mt. Washington, January 17, 2025.

If you are headed up a metaphorical mountain, expect to stumble and run into obstacles. With practice, you will find your way around them. Then you will hit your stride, and eventually, you’ll run. I think I’ve just found my running legs.

TAKEAWAY: When have you felt your confidence grow in real-time? Where in your life do you see an opportunity to step into your power? Can you embrace the discomfort of growth? If so, know that self-confidence is just on the other side of the mountain.

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  1. Thrive Clues

    Testing comments. Looks great!

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