What My Book Stack Knew Before I Did
I’m currently reading a playful, light-hearted middle-grade book by Jeff Kinney called Wrecking Ball. His theme always seems to be “Things can always be worse.” I’ve given up reading dog books for the moment, as they make me miss Ajax too much.
But when I looked at the other titles that recently caught my eye, they seemed less like a random stack and more like a remarkably accurate reading of my life. Gather five of your current reads, or simply five books that grab your attention, and try this with me. What do the titles evoke for you? What do they say about your current state of mind?
Campground Kids: Grand Teton Stampede
While I may no longer be actively writing middle grade fiction, I still get engrossed in innocent adventure-filled stories. This middle-grade novel appeals to me because it evokes outdoor adventure, camping, backpacking, novelty, nature, and discovery. It also carries a sense of intrigue or danger that is exciting but containable.
It parallels what I’m about to lose as the CHS (Conditioning Hiking Series) comes to a close on September 30: close connections with a small group of hikers and ever-longer mileage. And yet I am trying to remind myself that I hike year-round. While I may not see these particular people for another six months, there are plenty of folks I call “my off-season regulars” who have already signed up to join me for October trips. If current 10-deep waitlists are any indication, most of my trips will have an abundance of eager hikers.
The Inner Game of Tennis
My husband is now coach for the Shorecrest High School JV tennis team for fall season. He is practicing some of his drills on me and my daughter, much to our delight. We’re having more fun as a family and making progress by consistently working at improving our tennis game.
What this book evokes for me is the “Capable Court” who shows up every time I lead a hike or do anything physical, and who is working hard to be in the driver’s seat mentally with challenging clients. It reminds me that the real contest (in life, on the court — maybe both) is internal. While I may be a force on the court or the trail, the real ongoing work is on continuing to develop a growth mindset.
Thoughts Are Not the Enemy
This title evokes my effort to understand my inner critic’s alarm system and respond with compassion and integration, rather than trying to banish, scold, or defeat that inner voice. It’s a process, a new way of talking to myself, and it is HARD. I remind myself, if it’s too easy, it’s not creating change.
“What if” and “should” can be useful flags for looking deeper. But when I face a pivot, as I did all of August and again this week while reconsidering a long-planned backpacking graduation trip, my body and brain sometimes join forces to reveal that something I thought I wanted no longer fits. When my heart and gut know something no longer fits but my brain keeps trying to hold on, that’s when I start to get into trouble.
The Road Less Traveled
This title brings up all the unfamiliar terrain I’m crossing. It includes becoming a facilitator and community-builder instead of just a rep counter or hike leader. Leaving youth behind with a big birthday. Living after Ajax, my unconditional support and constant trail companion. Facing business uncertainty and changing directions for all three of us.
I’m seeking courage and orientation, not an efficient shortcut. But boy, a shortcut would sure help some days!
Present Over Perfect
And finally, the last book I grabbed was a title that reminded me of the importance of leaving behind performance and evaluation and seeking, instead, soulful presence, connection, and “enoughness.”
Can I sit with discomfort in the present instead of living inside the “could,” “should,” and “have to” stories my brain has concocted? Ultimately, this is what my spiritual coach Tama Kieves has been teaching me for the past two years: Choose again. What story am I telling myself? Choose again.
The Collective Message
I want adventure and forward motion, but I don’t want to be driven by fear, perfectionism, or frantic performance anymore. I’m trying to build a steadier relationship with my own mind while choosing a more meaningful path. The stack of books, like some of my dreams, seems to put a spotlight on wilderness and structure, discipline and surrender, thought and presence, play and seriousness.
And then Wrecking Ball supplied the final piece: the demolition that sometimes has to precede reconstruction.
The old structure has taken several hits: Ajax’s death, my husband’s changing work situation, my evolving professional identity, and the realization that the performance-based model I have inhabited for more than thirty years no longer describes everything I do. Some walls are already down, whether or not I authorized the renovation.
Taken together, the books seemed to offer the following response:
- Seek adventure within the upheaval.
- Master the inner game.
- Stop treating thoughts as adversaries.
- Accept the road won’t be conventional or fully mapped.
- Choose presence over frantic perfection.
Sometimes the books we pull from our shelves reveal more than the ones we intentionally search for. My unconscious attention selected these titles while I was trying to consciously choose something to read to escape the frantic unknown. What does your eye land on today, and what might it be trying to tell you?
